Thursday, February 28, 2019

Three Kids, Two Books, One Bowl of Jello-O, and a Spine


Two Books. That’s what it took to raise my three children. The first book was a big mistake, the second was a lifesaver.

My girls were born in 1963 and ’64 and the popular book at that time was Baby and Child Care by Dr. Benjamin Spock. Forget my mother’s advice, what did she know? She raised me and my sister to be fine upstanding adults, but she was no Dr. Spock. She only raised children the way her mother and countless mothers before her had. She snapped my lips if I sassed her; Dr. Spock, on the other hand, entreated mothers to listen to their children, understand why they did what they did (even sassing adults) and treat them as unique individuals whose motives needed to be examined and fully understood.

As a child, my hand was slapped if I reached for a hot stove. According to Dr. Spock, one must move the child away from the stove and distract her with a toy. Hence, the child never learned that some things in this world are dangerous.

Baby and Child Care was my bible. I devoured it and lived totally by its precepts, always trying to understand the psyche behind my girls’ motives. My mother swatted my behind first and asked questions later. As a disciple of Dr. Spock, I asked so many questions I never got around to the swatting part. Consequently, I wasn’t a very good mother.

Kids need rules and boundaries and a good sense of right and wrong. They don’t need an adult friend, they need an adult who’s actually a parent.

By the time my son was born in 1972, I still believed in the teachings of Dr. Spock, but learned soon enough that perhaps the good doctor didn’t know everything about rearing children. My mother would have used his book only to sit me up higher at the kitchen table where I would be told to eat what was on my plate. (Thank heavens my father wasn’t as strict about making me eat things I didn’t like!)

When my son was sixteen, he was a handful so along came the second book, Tough Love by Phyllis and David York. Tough Love taught me that I had more power than I ever imagined. That although I couldn’t control his actions, I could control how I responded to them. It told me that I had rights, too. Who knew? It said that I had the right to live in a peaceful house, an intact and clean environment, and have a night’s sleep without worry of where my son was. The concept was simple and I wished I’d learned it when the girls were young instead of letting them twist me into knots wondering how I should respond. Tough Love taught me that I could give my son a curfew of eleven o’clock and if he wasn’t in by then, the doors would be locked and a blanket and pillow placed on the porch for him. What happened? He never missed curfew from the first night the rule went into effect.

Baby and Child Care turned me into a bowl of Jell-O, constantly afraid of making a decision that might harm my children’s psyche.

Tough Love gave me a spine.

The moral of the story is . . . well, I’m not exactly sure. All three kids turned out to be excellent adults, people I’m extremely proud of, not because of, but in spite of, my parenting.



Books can be powerful. Be discriminating in what you read.


Quote of the day: Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P.J. O’Rourke

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Keep the Change

I have a special treat for you today. I'm sitting here with a friend and author, Thaabit Hedgepeth. Thaabit has written a book that is probably not the type you normally read and is about a subject you most likely are not familiar with--life behind prison bars. Thaabit went to prison at age 16 for two counts of murder and is here today to show that a person CAN turn his life around, if he chooses to.

Welcome, Thaabit. I'm so happy to have you here. Tell us a little about your life now. 

Thaabit HedgepethI'm from Raleigh, NC. I've been married to my awesome wife for 11 years and we have two very beautiful children, ages 10 and 7. Outside of my writing and speaking career, I've been in the restaurant industry for the past 12 years and am currently a General Manager for Zaxby's.

How long have you been writing?

My infatuation with writing actually began in the first grade, over 30 years ago, writing love letters to various girls in school. While I received many 'no's' to the question, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I received great feedback on the writing itself. I could always see how moved they were by the words. Writing took on a different level of importance at the age of eight when I placed second in a North Carolina Public School poetry contest. 

What type of writing do you normally do?

Non-fiction and poetry.

Give us a brief synopsis of your book.  

Keep the Change: Transformation from the Inside-Out
My book, Keep the Change, is the blueprint for anyone struggling with life's challenges and obstacles, helping them become the person they've always desperately fought to be. 

Tell us what prompted you to write it?

Facing life in prison at the age of 16 for two counts of first degree murder, I was left with only two options. I could either accept responsibility for my actions and change my mindset and behaviors, or I could continue down a path of destruction which would ultimately result in death. I wrote, Keep the Change, for those like myself, who struggle with the idea of changing their thoughts and behaviors, which in turn, helps them change their lives. My goal is to touch and impact as many people as possible.

How long did it take you to write this book?

Nearly nine months.

Do you have a favorite line from the book?

One of my favorite lines is, "On your path to change, commitment is the gift birthed from the womb of discipline and consistency. Its parent is determination."

Is Keep the Change published and, if so, when and by whom?

It was self-published through Amazon's KDP in January, 2019.

How can my readers get a copy?

Readers can get a copy on my website, www.thaabitspeaks.com/keep-the-change. It can also be purchased on Amazon.com.

What do you do besides write?

Outside of writing, I'm also a keynote speaker and mentor, empowering today's youth and shaping tomorrow's leaders.


What is your advice to would-be writers?

I'm sure it's cliche, but no matter what, just write. I also believe it's very important to surround yourself with other writers via a group or just personal connections. This could not have been possible without the support, encouragement, and feedback from the awesome writers I've been blessed to have met and built relationships with. Shout-out to Linda, Barbara, Pam, Christine, and Jim for all of your help along the way!

What do you wish you knew when you started your writing career?

I wish I would've understood the importance of marketing and promotion long before the book is released. If it is to impact others, it must first reach them.

What’s next for Thaabit Hedgepeth?

Now that the weight of publishing my first book has been lifted and I'm officially an 'author', the next step is to continue writing and publishing books. My vision is to inspire and impact people across the world to live lives of greatness and reward!

Friends, I encourage you all to buy this book and read it. You'll get not only an inside look at life behind bars but also at the road that led Thaabit to prison in the first place. Find out what it took for him to turn his life around. 

Quote of the Day:  Two men look out the same prison bars; one sees mud and the other stars. Beck